Weighing In On Airlines

In fairness to the guy in this picture, I’m 5’3” and 125 pounds and even I fit pretty snugly in today’s airline seats. It’s ironic that as Americans expand, the seats contract. But everything about airline travel has contracted in the last few years. From checked baggage fees to paying $10 for a lousy sandwich and a tiny bag of chips, the saying nothing in life is free is never more true than when you enter that alternative universe known as the airport. I remember watching one of those airline reality shows where they made some man checking in go to a special room downstairs to make sure he could actually fit in one seat so he didn’t have to pay double the fare. I’m not sure how this aisle-blocking guy slipped by unnoticed.

Actually, I’m all for pegging the ticket price to how much weight you add to the flight. Not only do I weigh less than most other passengers but I pack lighter too. While my mom and sister are always shifting sweaters between bags to sneak by under the 50 pound limit, even for a week-long trip I can make it well under 20 pounds. And for carry-on luggage I usually bring my circa 1984 book bag that contains a couple of paperbacks, keys, cell phone, cigarettes and gum. It adds maybe a couple of pounds tops and easily fits underneath the seat in front of me. I also think there should be a special express ticket so people who don’t use the overhead bins can get off the plane first.

My Christmas trip home this year will be my first since quitting smoking but on previous trips the nicotine deprivation has sent me dangerously close to the edge. I don’t think those parents who were leisurely unpacking their strollers and diaper bags when we landed realized how close the small woman two rows back came to snapping their whiny little kid’s neck. I only get two week of vacation/sick/personal time a year so I’m hoping to avoid last year’s fiasco where I wasted one of my precious days off overnighting at the Chicago airport. The news the next day said they provided cots but I never saw any while I tried to doze off on a hard vinyl-covered chair. I paid extra to go through Dallas this year so if they happen to have a freak snowstorm this holiday season and you’re stuck in the airport, please be kind to your fellow travelers. Beneath the placid exterior, you never know which ones may be ready to snap.