I quit smoking over 5 months ago and I gotta admit it, I am jonesing. I would smack your granny for a pack of Marlboro Lights right now. But I just keep having to tell myself that if I take that first puff then I'll be right back to my pack and a half a day, $60 a carton cigarette habit. And I know I would. Cause I first tried tobacco when I was 3 years old and I've loved it ever since.
One of my earliest memories is of sitting on my Great Uncle Henry's lap on his front porch taking puffs of his cigarette when my parents weren't watching. Then there's the one I shared with 2 or 3 other girls underneath the bleachers at the high school football game when I was 7. By 5th grade I was meeting my friend, Sheila, every day after school so we could walk down the railroad tracks and smoke.
I found out I had cancer on St Patrick's Day and I quit smoking 3 days later. I don't think anything else could've gotten me to do that. As I remember hearing Mary Tyler Moore say once, I enjoyed every cigarette I ever smoked. It's the perfect drug. If you're feeling tired, you can smoke to perk you up. If you're feeling antsy, you can use it to calm you down. And if you're a smart, shy, short kid who sucks at sports, it's an easy way to be popular. It doesn't take any particular talent to smoke a cigarette.
As I'm typing this I'm sucking the nicotine out of a piece of gum that I was supposed to stop chewing months ago. But the truth is, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to give up my methadone gum. I'm having a hard time picturing that day when I won't want to smoke. I just keep trying to remember that they radiated my lung as well as my boob and I don't want to end up being one of those people smoking a cigarette through a hole in my throat and dragging my oxygen tank behind me.
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