Ken Burns Needs Crack

Photo credit: gtrfrkbob from morguefile.com

In a country where ADHD seems to run rampant, I always thought I was just the opposite. Sitting still was never my problem, moving was. Until I try to make it through a Ken Burns documentary. I wanted to like his National Parks miniseries, I really did, but after the first ten minutes or so I was flipping through a magazine, going to the bathroom, getting something to drink, surfing the internet, getting something to eat and before I knew it the credits were rolling on the first night and I’d seen a couple of really pretty pictures and that was about it. I stuck it out for two more nights and finally gave up.

I’ve been trying to make it through a Ken Burns series since The Civil War aired, but until now, I’m not sure I ever even made it through the first hour. It doesn’t seem to make sense. I’m a huge documentary fan and I love the national parks, why was that not the best show ever? Then I started thinking about the kind of documentaries I like. And my favorites are usually ones like Crumb or Harlan County USA, where you really get a glimpse inside people’s lives. Still photos and a droning narrator don’t cut it for me. If you’re going to get that close to a history book then I’d rather you just print it up and let me read it at my leisure.

Wisconsin Death Trip, a tale of rampant murder and madness in a small town in the 1890s, is more my style of historical documentary. It includes a lot of still footage and newspaper accounts but they’re of the trashy, gossipy kind that I enjoy. I know Ken Burns has a very quiet, understated style but would it kill him to add in a little melodramatic music? Maybe a few grizzly bear attacks? Something that would hold my attention for more than a few seconds at a time?! I was hoping to experience the wonders of the national parks and instead I felt like I was back in 5th grade history class.